Making others feel good! And feeling good about yourself

I truly believe that Interpersonal skills can benefit us in the workplace and social life. It builds the foundation for us to communicate, engage and motivate others positively in any situation.

It is a typical scenario you may, like i did, encounter in most days.  It was my lunch break at the food court. Most of the seats were taken. I saw an empty seat next to a lady, so I smiled at her and asked if I could join her.  Next, I sat down.  We were all eating the same popular noodle from the same store.  We started with a small talk about eating well, living a healthy lifestyle, and our age. I complemented that she was looking younger than her age.

Suddenly, her tone changed.  She said “I could have looked even younger if I was not so sad!” Looking at her facial expression, I felt that she wanted to share her feelings.  So I asked, “Why are you feeling sad?” She replied: “my son died 5 years ago.” She looked like she needed a listener.  So I continued: “What happened?”  She described her son’s tragedy, and how she coped with the sudden death. For the past 20 minutes, the least I could have done was to listen, nod my head, and be as empathy as I could. Her voice changed emotionally while she continued to share what had happened. She was holding back the tears in her eyes. I could hear the sadness in her voice; how much she missed her son, the pain she had endured many years ago, which still shows today. Five years is a long time, and up till now, she still grieves for her son.

I looked at her, as gently as I could and shared 2 cases of heartbroken mothers who have gone through experiences worse than her, but emerged as strong survivors.  She shifted her focus on her son, and connected with what I was sharing with her.

Did I help to make her feel better?  Yes, I did.  Her emotion was in better control, her voice was calmer and she smiled at me when we parted. And I feel great that I could make her feel better.

I recalled some of the interpersonal skills that I use that make this interaction positive:-

• Begin the conversation with her with a small talk
• Listen to her tone of voice and react accordingly to her emotions
• Take a personal interest in her sharing and empathize with her
• Accurately interpret her emotions and be sensitive to her feelings
• Make her feel at ease when i asked a few open-ended questions
• Read her facial expression, body language, eyes and response to show that I have heard and understood what she has said.
• Say positive words during our conversation even the focus is negative
• Share common topics – communicate clearly my personal experience — what I say and how I say it — that she can resonate with.

This is an encounter of how the interpersonal skills have helped me to make other feel good. So I hope you can take conscious effort to practice the skills, which will make every interaction of yours with others feeling good as well.

Question: Do you want to share more ways to improve interpersonal skills?

Cecilia Sim
Strategy Training Partner, Facilitator and Consultant